About a year ago I tried to read the first Twilight book but couldn’t get past chapter 3 for wanting to vomit at how awful the writing was, how dull the characters were, how drawn out the angsty moaning was (even in the opening chapters) and the fact that I just could not relate to the mind of a teenage girl swooning over the annoyingly mysterious newcomer in her classroom. I was bored to tears. I have avoided the films like the plague based on my trusted friend’s reviews and media coverage. Everything I have seen and read suggests that these horrendous books/films are not revolutionizing the vampire genre but destroying it. Since when are vampires people-loving vegetarians who can move about and (choke) glitter in daylight and avoid drinking blood? Doesn’t that simply make them emo goths with fangs?

It seems the people at ‘Wired’ have similar views to mine and have even created a list of the ‘top 20 unfortunate lessons girls learn from Twilight’. Here’s a sample:

• It’s OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful — as long as he has great abs.
• If a boy tells you to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the love of your life. You should stay with him since he will keep you safe forever.
• It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even more romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.
• Boys who leave you always come back.
• Because they come back, you should hold out, waiting for them for months, even when completely acceptable and less-abusive alternative males present themselves.
• If the boy you are in love with causes you (even indirectly) to be so badly beaten you end up in the hospital, you should tell the doctors and your family that you “fell down the steps” because you are such a silly, clumsy girl. That false explanation always works well for abused women.
• When writing a book series, it’s acceptable to lift seminal source material and bastardize it with tired, overwrought teenage angst.

and my favourite:

• Vampires — once among the great villains of literature and motion pictures — are no longer scary. In fact, they’re every bit as whiny, self-absorbed and impotent as any human being.

What upsets me even more than the way this series is corrupting impressionable young girls is the fact that it beat ‘Harry Potter’ and ‘The Dark Knight’ on opening weekend! I mostly dislike the Harry Potter films too, though I love the mythology and characters (my issue is with the writing and direction of the films, not the books) and I am horrified that these trashy, weak excuses for films beat Chris Nolan’s spectacular genre-busting Batman sequel. My theory there is that all of these excitable young gals doubled Twilight’s ticket sales by dragging there protesting boyfriends along to the screenings, something the mostly-male Batman audience probably wouldn’t have done to their girls.

But above-all I am deeply saddened that Twilight has watered-down and tainted the vampire genre AND guaranteed the creation of more of this tripe due to it’s box-office success. I say bring back the terrifying, grotesque and deadly vampires of old (Nosferatu anyone?) and put these pathetic, emo, vamp-babies back in the ground.

As an antidote to Twilight I am looking forward to the Spierig brother’s (creators of the brilliant Australian indie zombie flick ‘Undead‘) new film ‘Daybreakers‘ starring Willam Dafoe, Sam Neill and Ethan Hawke. Although not appearing to necessarily be the horrific vampires of old it does seem to be a genuinely original and intense modern take on the genre. Can’t wait.

Read the full top 20 list at [Wired]